I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
