Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
