Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
