This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
