i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
