she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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