Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
