She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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