How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
