You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
