Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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