I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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