I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize