My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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