What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
