Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
