i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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