I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize