They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
