She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
