Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
