the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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