Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
