Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
