ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
