Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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