Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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