Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
