Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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