I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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