your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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