Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
