her vagine was all disorganized.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Terrible idea I love it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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