Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
