Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
