i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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