so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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