Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
