don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
