I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
