what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
