I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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