i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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