Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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