I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
