i think my tv is drunk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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