You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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