when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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