I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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