I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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