Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
