mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
