You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
