all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
