it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
