I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
