why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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