he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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