I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize