Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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