You can't motorboat a personality
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
