if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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