3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
