Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
