You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
