why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
