I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
