He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
