shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
