Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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