why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
