There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
