who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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