just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
