Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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