And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
birth control should be required to get into college
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
