kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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