I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
