what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
