I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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