if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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