the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
