Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
