His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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