Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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